Auto Motives

Let's see... You don't have any work experience. Your salary is out of our budget. And you've got an extensive criminal record. But you're definitely HIRED, simply because you own a car.

That's right, it's easier to find a job if you've got a car. And if you lose you job because "these tough economic times", we'll let you return it, just like your foreclosed home. So forget about your problems, and write us a check for $20,000.

Hyundai. Don't try to pronounce our name. It's impossible.

Cancer Shtick

If you're not getting ideal fuel efficiency, maybe it's because you're secretly chauffeuring around this "pancreatic cancer" guy. Besides adding dead weight to your car, who knows what other annoying things he's doing in there. He might be stealing pennies from your ashtray or changing your preset radio stations to smooth jazz and Spanish talk radio.

Go away cancer guy, you have 35,000 other people to kill this year.

If you're going to continue sleeping in my car, at least ride in the front seat so I don't look like your driver bitch.

Invasion of the ID Snatchers

It's hard to take this banner ad seriously, I mean, with the kooky art direction and all. It's probably not even somber enough to classify as scarevertising. But it found it's way into my Hotmail account, so I shall proceed with commentary.

I don't consider myself naive, especially when it comes to marketing tactics. In this case, I was led to believe I could actually "avoid the identity snatchers". I've been doing it all my life with real credit cards, so how could I not beat this banner game. I saw the credit card enticing me, and truly believed, "I can make it past those 12 grabby hands". Easy enough, right?

Wrong. The second I clicked on the card, the message revealed "The thieves got you!", and I was redirected to Indentity Guard's website. Wah, wah, waaaaaah!

You got me banner advertisement. You got me real good.