Auto Motives

Let's see... You don't have any work experience. Your salary is out of our budget. And you've got an extensive criminal record. But you're definitely HIRED, simply because you own a car.

That's right, it's easier to find a job if you've got a car. And if you lose you job because "these tough economic times", we'll let you return it, just like your foreclosed home. So forget about your problems, and write us a check for $20,000.

Hyundai. Don't try to pronounce our name. It's impossible.

Cancer Shtick

If you're not getting ideal fuel efficiency, maybe it's because you're secretly chauffeuring around this "pancreatic cancer" guy. Besides adding dead weight to your car, who knows what other annoying things he's doing in there. He might be stealing pennies from your ashtray or changing your preset radio stations to smooth jazz and Spanish talk radio.

Go away cancer guy, you have 35,000 other people to kill this year.

If you're going to continue sleeping in my car, at least ride in the front seat so I don't look like your driver bitch.

Invasion of the ID Snatchers

It's hard to take this banner ad seriously, I mean, with the kooky art direction and all. It's probably not even somber enough to classify as scarevertising. But it found it's way into my Hotmail account, so I shall proceed with commentary.

I don't consider myself naive, especially when it comes to marketing tactics. In this case, I was led to believe I could actually "avoid the identity snatchers". I've been doing it all my life with real credit cards, so how could I not beat this banner game. I saw the credit card enticing me, and truly believed, "I can make it past those 12 grabby hands". Easy enough, right?

Wrong. The second I clicked on the card, the message revealed "The thieves got you!", and I was redirected to Indentity Guard's website. Wah, wah, waaaaaah!

You got me banner advertisement. You got me real good.

The Devil Wears Unitards

A new religious TV station (Net TV) is calling to stop "good television", a personal message delivered by Satan himself. But don't confuse the adjective "good" with "quality". It's a tough sell when all you're offering in return is programs such as "Dr. Christiane Northrup: Menopause and Beyond" and "Wessels Living History Farm". But at least you can watch "Waiting for God" while you're actually waiting for him.

I guess it's sort of like like watching "Dazed and Confused" while being intoxicated, minus the entertainment.

If you're still interested, you can talk to Satan via the site.

Family Values

If you died today, who would take care of your family?:
Grandma? The golden retriever? Your iPhone with 3G?

According to AccuQuote, the correct answer is the almighty dollar. Because thanks to the Internet, kids today practically raise themselves. All they need is a little money and maybe they can do something great, like develop a gambling problem. $500,000 on black please.

Thank you, comforting banner ad. You were just what I needed on a Sunday afternoon. Now excuse me. I'm off to purchase life insurance and then register for sky diving lessons.

Stormin' Mormons

What happens when you grease a slippery slope with a little too much KY Jelly? Mormons ransacking your house and sifting through your panty drawer.

This ad for "No" on California's Prop 8 gay marriage ban shows the ugly (overexaggerated) side of what happens when you invite those dudes wearing ties and bike helmets into your home.

By the way, how come ties with bike helmets never caught on in the business world? It can't be long before businessmen begin sporting that "I'm safe, but also professional" look around the office.

Medi-Scare

These depressing webisodes from Divided We Fail remind us how crappy our lives are without health insurance. I'm not sure what the call to action is, but they do a great job of convincing immigrants to lose hope in America.

You want a toe?

Today I bring you a scarevertising classic: The toe tag. As Walter from The Big Lebowski once said, "You want a toe!? I'll get you toe!" But I'll get you a toe by 3 o' clock this afternoon...with a toe tag. That's because "toe tagvertising" is one of the most overused visuals in the business. I know I say that about everything, but seriously, just Google "toe tag" and scan the images yourself. It'll toe your mind. (Sorry for that.)














If you look closely here, you'll notice they've forced a fictitious "overweight" yes/no field onto the toe tag. What a cruel world. Even when you're dead, people still label you as "fat".

Germ Warfare

FACT: Big cartoony germs must scare the hell out of people, because they're used over and over again in household cleaning ads. Lysol's brilliant solution to getting rid of the millions of germs spreading throughout your house is to spray every toilet, doorknob, pen, pencil, and anything that's ever been touched. What they don't tell you could save a hours a day and loads of money by simply washing your hands after you go to the bathroom...you know, like a normal person. But if you want to live like Howard Hughes in his final years, douche your home with Lysol every 15 minutes.

Man boobs

If you drink like a man, you might end up looking like...a clown? As you can see here, it really depends on your taste in makeup. The good news is drinkers usually stick together. So if you drink like a man and look like a man, you'll probably have no problem finding an intoxicated man who won't mind bringing home a chick that looks like a man...or maybe even a clown if you're really lucky.

That's some tasty oil

Word plays can be misleading. In this case, 16 million gallons of oil were "consumed" to make plastic bottles. Ultimately, this ad claims when you're drinking bottled water, you're actually drinking oil. Even though this is a huge stretch of the imagination, don't confuse this message with Dasani water which only tastes like crude oil.

Missing Links

Did you know smoking causes your friends to grow sausage-link arms?
Well, it does...according to the latest campaign from the New Mexico Department of Health. To confuse consumers even more, they've also created a website. This is about as close to "false advertising" as you can get in this business. Well done guys.



The real lesson learned here is if you smoke too much while creating an advertisement, bad things really do happen. And clients have to pay for them.

Ratting Out NYC

Washington DC recently launched a campaign claiming that NYC has rats the size of house cats because they aren't strict about food and drinks in the subway. New York subway tunnels might have a lot of rats, but I've never heard of anyone say they've seen a rat inside an actual subway car (or even seen a rat the size of a house cat). I would imagine food on the subways is a small contributor to the rat problem. That's an awfully slippery slope DC.

A True Scarevertising Agency

Want to create your own scary campaign? I found this agency called Scare Factory Advertising. Honestly I don't know what they actually do for sure, but it made me laugh and seemed to fit in with this blog. I'm definitely not recommending them by any means.

Foul Uni-Ball

A Scary Coincidence

Who knew smoking was worse than the biggest terrorist attack of all time? Apparently, a few different anti-smoking groups who released the same exact campaign six months apart. I imagine advertisers will continue leveraging this terrible tragedy in years to come. We'll probably be seeing a lot more twin tower visuals just like this one. Scaring people in an original way must be a tough job. There's only so many iconic tragedies you can use to your advantage.































What about the Nazi's? Surely there's an anti-smoking campaign in there somewhere.

Dirt Napping

Land Transport New Zealand and the NZ Police remind locals that you shouldn't drive while sleeping, nor operate a motorized bed, or something to that extent. When people say "I want to die in my sleep", I don't think this is what they have in mind. Though these ads are hard to take too seriously (because they are pretty funny), they certainly got my attention. In fact, this could be one of my favorite scarevertising campaigns of the year. I just hope I don't have any nightmares tonight that begin with my bed cruising top-down on a beautiful open New Zealand highway.




































The people who brought us Lord of the Rings and Flight of the Conchords have raised the bar once again.

Creatures of a Bad Habit

There's been a surplus of anti-smokeless tobacco ads lately. Though they always come up with interesting tactics to scare kids, the facts don't always add up. One ad says "Chewing tobacco has three times the nicotine of cigarettes. And will kill you just as dead." Not that I support chewing tobacco, but I do know that nicotine is possibly the most harmless chemical found in cigarettes. It's really all the other chemicals that kill. Nicotine is highly addictive, but essentially harmless to tobacco users. We don't get any other statistics to back up their "kill you just as dead" statement, besides the fact all degrees of "dead" are basically the same.













A slightly more effective ad could be "Chewing tobacco has a million times the nicotine of a hand grenade. And will kill you just as dead." Chew on that.

Crash of '08

MADD drops another depressing graduation campaign on the class of '08, hoping to keep high school kids out of their parent's liquor cabinet. The line says, "Don't make it a grad to forget." Come to think of it, I don't really remember my graduation and there were no car accidents involved. It was actually a great time so I'd have to disagree with that tagline.













By the way, she proably shouldn't be driving while holding roses and a diploma.

Debtvertising

Normally I don't consider scare advertising with humor "scarevertising", but this website is so poorly made and unfunny that it's actually scary. "Keep it in your pants" is a nice thought for credit card responsibility, but a not-so-great promotion. The site challenges you to make a PSA about the dangers of "debt disease" (which is a made up sickness), and one of the prizes you win is an ugly shirt that further advertises their cause. So basically you're making an ad for a chance to win an ad you can wear on your chest.














Remember, together we can put an end to made up diseases that have been shamelessly overused in advertising for over five years now. I would've preferred a caveman or ninja concept instead...maybe even Chuck Norris.